The Secret to Their 18 Year Bond

By Flavia Francesquini | Images Shot55 Recently I heard a sixteen-year-old wonder if the reason couples seem to get so easily tired of each other, is to be blamed on the fact that we are now allowed to be in constant contact. Gone are the days when we rushed home to see if the light on the answering machine was blinking with a message from that special someone. We no longer have to wait to speak to one another to know about their day when their Facebook pages keep us informed of every nuance of their moods. Our own news are old by the time we see each other because we have already texted every event of our days from breakfast menus to what we saw on TV before heading to bed. Most of my friends can hardly remember getting a letter in the mail, or even a birthday card. We are easily irritated by the 20 seconds it takes for an email to reach its target; waiting for the postman to bring us a handwritten note has become something from an era we have forgotten. Perhaps we have taken the mystery out of our lives so completely that going out on a date is redundant. Even worse, perhaps we have taken romance out of relationships by turning our every move into a status update!

However, back in the early 90’s we hadn’t yet submerged ourselves into technology. Cell phones were still too big to fit in the back pocket and computers were on desktops, stuck to walls and attached to phone lines. Most people then still knew the price of a postage stamp! That is when TRAVIS KNOTT met the love of his life, DJ DOLE.

Theirs is a story that makes you smile whether you are a romantic or not. They are the kind of couple that can be in opposite sides of a room and you know they are together because there is a distinctive line that connects them and make you feel hopeful that romance is still alive and well.

According to Knott, they met “the old fashion way, in a bar.” It was a night in which neither of them was looking for love. Dole had left his apartment in order to give his roommate some private time with a date and Travis was “just out for a drink.” they ended up in the same bar, watching each other across the room for what dole describes as “an eternity.” Knott was the one who finally broke the silence and came to say hello. They spent the rest of the night talking and dancing. That was the first night of a relationship that neither could’ve predicted, would last forever.

From the beginning they learned to turn the bumps on the road into positives. The fact that Knott is younger than dole, was still living with his parents, and far from dole could’ve put a damper on their enthusiasm but instead, they both made the best they could of their situation. Knott got his own phone line and answering machine so that he could spend hours and hours talking to dole whenever possible. They wrote to each other regularly, long letters and cards were where they pour out their most intimate thoughts and feelings to each other.

When dole was forced to travel to New York on a business assignment that would last six weeks they tried to stay calm about the approaching departure. At the time, Dole’s best friend was traveling with him and suffering from the same type of separation anxiety. He too had met someone he didn’t want to leave behind. Once in New York they both asked their beloveds to meet them there and they finally agreed to go. Their romance took off then, dole happily recalls that “we did everything people in love do when they are in NY, it was amazing, and very romantic!” Love must’ve been in the air then as Dole’s best friend has also married the girl who met him in New York during that trip!

That was the first of many trips they took together. As time went by they had the chance to visit Hawaii many times and, like so many of us, they fell in love with the islands. In 1999 they moved to Oahu and started a business. Today Dole is a private banker and Knott is a financial adviser for Ameriprise. In view of their knowledge and experience with the world of finances I couldn’t help but ask their opinion regarding the economical implications of civil unions as it applies to Hawaii. To the opponents of the bill who have voiced concerns regarding our economy Dole has a question of his own, “How can civil unions affect the state negatively when weddings are such a blooming business nationwide? If nothing else it creates revenue, jobs, and it increases tourism!”

Are they thinking of tying the proverbial knot? You better believe it! On February 19, 2012, their eighteenth anniversary, they will gather close friends and family and reaffirm the commitment they have made to each other so many years ago. Their secret to such an enduring relationship is based on a deeply rooted friendship, dole explains that “you make allowances for your friends that you don’t make for anyone else, your partner has to be your best friend” and Knott adds that “we have a lot of common interests and we do a lot of things together, but it’s also very important that we both value honesty, if you can’t be honest with your partner, you will run into problems. Also... whatever you do, never try to hang wallpaper together!” <laughs>

When they say that they do a lot together, they are not kidding! Whenever they are not working on their Hawaii Kai home they are busy volunteering for their favorite charities. The Honolulu Academy of Arts, the Red Cross, Habitat for Humanity, Easter Seals and the Boys and Girls Club are just some of the places where you can find this happy duo donating their time and energy. Knott told me that “it feels good to help others, and it gives us a chance to meet some very nice people in the process. We enjoy it!”

Helping is also in the heart of what Knott does at work. As a financial advisor he is able to help others plan for the future. He takes a special interest in helping those in the LGBT community since there are several financial advantages we are not entitled to as unmarried couples, which is true even for those entering civil unions. As it stands, married heterosexual couples have automatic benefits that we do not, regardless of how long we have been in a relationship. For instance, a 401k or IRA account will automatically go to the surviving spouse in a traditional marriage, it is not the case for those of us who have not taken the time to specify such terms in writing. Talking to Knott made me feel more optimistic about my own choices. There are chances too great to take, and if you have children, the stakes may be even higher, especially if you are not the biological parent. Knott can help you devise a plan so that your assets are not lost in bureaucracy. According to him, “we have to be creative of our money, or our estate can disappear in taxes.” He adds that “we need to empower ourselves and we do that by learning how to protect what we have earned, by making sure that our loved ones are cared for in case something happens. I believe that educating others, teaching them how to take charge of their future is my contribution.”

We have come a long way but until we have equal rights across the board, we must be realistic about our decision making skills and I agree, that getting educated is the first step towards peace of mind.

The more time I spent talking to this beautiful couple, the more I smiled. Their energy is both fun and relaxing. They have the kind of easy-going chemistry that comes from truly knowing one another in ways that can never be achieved by following someone on Twitter. Their relationship is based on old fashion communication that allowed them to form a real bond. If you are looking for a way to rekindle the romance in your life, you may want to try to give your mate some space, and then turn the usual “how was your day” into a real conversation.

How’s that for innovation on dating?

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